Do not hit your wife like you

On the authority of 'Abdullaah ibn Zam'ah radi allahu anhu that he heard the Prophet sallallahu alayhe wa sallam speak and mention the she-camel an the one who killed it. The Messenger of Allah said, "When the Most evil of them was sent forth" [91:12]

"A Strong enormous man who was  secure in his tribe was sent forth to her." Then he turned to the women and warned the men about them by saying, "Do not hit your wife like you would hit a servant girl because maybe you will sleep with her at the end of the night." [Sahih Bukhari and Muslim]

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The 20 pieces of Advice for my sister before her marriage

Alhamdulillah, i was very happy to receive the English copy of this book from http://rimarket.net, may Allah reward them with good. ameen. As i study, sometimes in the middle i just stop and pick into this book and read here and there. You will be amazed to know how amazing this book is. 

The brother wrote - the shaykh wrote the book for his own sister mash-Allah. As i read, i wish i had a brother like him to teach me manners and so many other matters like he is teaching his sister. 

Reading a book to learn manners is not like having an example in front of you and the one being example is the one teaching you. You can read but so many things fly out the mind mash-Allah. 

May Allah grant us beneficial knowledge and righteous actions. ameen.

I truly wish every women buy this book and benefit from it insha-Allah, let it be she is married or not married, there is such a great deal of advice as to how a woman should look after her house, manage her time, look after her husband and deal with him and her children and also about the issues of problems and conflicts mash-Allah. May Allah benefit us. Ameen. 

All brothers should buy this book for their wives and go over with them. He will be pleased and the money he spent is something worth spending alhamdulillah. 

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Buy Today in English

http://www.rimarket.net/product-p/eng0001.htm

In Arabic as well

http://www.rimarket.net/product-p/trw0001s.htm

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From The book

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20 pieces of advice to my sister before her marriage

By the noble shaikh badr bin ali al-utaybee

Based On Your Customs:

T

he common practices of the people have their benefit and rulings that apply to them. Whatever the people see as good, as long as it doesn’t oppose a command or prohibition of the Islâmic Legislation. So with this in mind, the general customs of the people are made up certain mannerisms and behaviors which are not suitable for you to oppose in order to protect you and your husband from public scorn. There are many examples of this, varying based on time, place, and culture. There are certain things that people used to consider despicable, today people may deem them to be from lofty mannerisms. Likewise, there are certain marital practices that may be considered crimes by people who live in rural areas, while they are considered noble practices by city dwellers. Similarly, certain practices may be prohibited amongst certain tribes, but with other cultures and ethnicities it may be an established practice.

So look at what is considered noble behavior from the people of our time, place, and tribe and hold firm to it. Do not oppose it with false claims such as the freedom to behave as you wish. And perhaps from these practices that are agreed upon.

1.      Avoid calling him by his first name. Rather, it is from good manners to call him by his Kunya, or with a name that he likes to hear from you such Oh my heart, oh my dear, and other than that.

2.      Lower your voice when addressing him. It is bad manners for you to raise your voice when addressing your husband or criticizing him; and it is even worse if you are in the presence of others.

3.      Not walking in front of him, except when there’s a need to do so. It is from good manners that you walk by his side or slightly behind him out of respect and honor for him.

4.      Not burdening him with shopping for your personal female products. Although it is permissible, many people have grown accustom to disliking this practice.

5.      Calm and peaceful behavior while guests are over. The typical custom of most people is that they dislike hearing loud noises coming from inside the house and from the cooking pans, especially while they are being served.

6.      Shouting out and calling him around men. Even though your voice is not aowra ( those things that must be concealed from men, such as a women’s hair) based on that the most correct opinion, most people dislike hearing a women’s voice and are more comfortable with having her clap or knock on the door and other things similar to this. This is better etiquette.

7.      Giving him the responsibility of carrying the child without the need, while outside the home. Although it is not impermissible legislatively, many people look down upon it

So with these types of customs judge yourself, in order to determine what are good etiquettes and practices ,then hold firm to them, not opposing them at all; because indeed for one to oppose that which has been established is against good manners

Taken from pages 76-78

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The Hadeeth of the Eleven Women

The Hadeeth of the Eleven Women
Source: Saheeh Muslim
Article ID : MRG030001  [10213]  

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Muslim narrated the following hadith:

Isnad: Suleiman bin 'abd alRahman and 'Ali bin Hujr » 'Ibsai bin Bunus » Hisham bin 'Urwa » 'Abd Allah bin 'Urwah » 'Urwah

Narrated 'Aisha:

Eleven women sat (at a place) and promised and contracted that they would not conceal anything of the news of their husbands.

The first one said, "My husband is like the meat of a lean weak camel which is kept on the top of a mountain which is neither easy to climb, nor is the meat fat, so that one might put up with the trouble of fetching it."

The second one said, "I shall not relate my husband's news, for I fear that I may not be able to finish his story, for if I describe him, I will mention all his defects and bad traits."

The third one said, "My husband is a tall man; if I describe him (and he hears of that) he will divorce me, and if I keep quiet, he will neither divorce me nor treat me as a wife."

The fourth one said, "My husband is a moderate person like the night of Tihama which is neither hot nor cold. I am neither afraid of him, nor am I discontented with him."

The fifth one said, "My husband, when entering (the house) is a leopard, and when going out, is a lion. He does not ask about whatever is in the house."

The sixth one said, "If my husband eats. he eats too much (leaving the dishes empty), and if he drinks he leaves nothing, and if he sleeps he sleeps alone (away from me) covered in garments and does not stretch his hands here and there so as to know how I fare (get along)."

The seventh one said, "My husband is a wrong-doer or weak and foolish. All the defects are present in him. He may injure your head or your body or may do both."

The eighth one said, "My husband is soft to touch like a rabbit and smells like a Zarnab (a kind of good smelling grass)."

The ninth one said, "My husband is a tall generous man wearing a long strap for carrying his sword. His ashes are abundant and his house is near to the people who would easily consult him."

The tenth one said, "My husband is Malik, and what is Malik? Malik is greater than whatever I say about him. (He is beyond and above all praises which can come to my mind). Most of his camels are kept at home (ready to be slaughtered for the guests) and only a few are taken to the pastures. When the camels hear the sound of the lute (or the tambourine) they realize that they are going to be slaughtered for the guests."

The eleventh one said, "My husband is Abu Zar and what is Abu Zar (i.e., what should I say about him)? He has given me many ornaments and my ears are heavily loaded with them and my arms have become fat ( i.e., I have become fat). And he has pleased me, and I have become so happy that I feel proud of myself. He found me with my family who were mere owners of sheep and living in poverty, and brought me to a respected family having horses and camels and threshing and purifying grain . Whatever I say, he does not rebuke or insult me. When I sleep, I sleep till late in the morning, and when I drink water (or milk), I drink my fill. The mother of Abu Zar and what may one say in praise of the mother of Abu Zar? Her saddle bags were always full of provision and her house was spacious. As for the son of Abu Zar, what may one say of the son of Abu Zar? His bed is as narrow as an unsheathed sword and an arm of a kid (of four months) satisfies his hunger. As for the daughter of Abu Zar, she is obedient to her father and to her mother. She has a fat well-built body and that arouses the jealousy of her husband's other wife. As for the (maid) slave girl of Abu Zar, what may one say of the (maid) slavegirl of Abu Zar? She does not uncover our secrets but keeps them, and does not waste our provisions and does not leave the rubbish scattered everywhere in our house." The eleventh lady added, "One day it so happened that Abu Zar went out at the time when the milk was being milked from the animals, and he saw a woman who had two sons like two leopards playing with her two breasts. (On seeing her) he divorced me and married her. Thereafter I married a noble man who used to ride a fast tireless horse and keep a spear in his hand. He gave me many things, and also a pair of every kind of livestock and said, 'Eat (of this), O Um Zar, and give provision to your relatives." She added, "Yet, all those things which my second husband gave me could not fill the smallest utensil of Abu Zar's." 'Aisha then said: Allah's Apostle said to me, "I am to you as Abu Zar was to his wife Um Zar."

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